I.feel like crying...great cathartic tears..

And I don't know why.

Do any of you with BPD simply wake up, not having had a nightmare you can recall, no discernable trigger, and you feel...unhinged?

My " fractured personality " has me, in combination with all my other dxs leaves me feeling, even after two IP admissions very recently, " unstable"..

I assure you all I am safe, just...miserable...

I wish there was something I can say to help you but I don't have experience in this. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I'm sending prayers your way.

36 minutes ago, Enigma said:

I wish there was something I can say to help you but I don't have experience in this. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I'm sending prayers your way.

Thank you for caring, and thank you for your prayers.🩷

Continuing this thread, hope that's okay.

Today, feel, I feel I feel...WHAT do I FEEL??

Maybe...I am...ok?

No, never, never, never...

How did I crash at age l7 to never return from that," first episode "?

( Which a doctor INSISTED was due to my using cocaine, which I had NEVER touched.)

I thought by this point in my life things would have settled down, and certainly my 40s were quieter...and then, this past year, triggers one day I may write about on the CPTSD board, or the safe zone..

As well, the classic, cliche..." Who am I?"

"How do I make my life better?"

Etc...etc...

I feel...rigid right now I suppose...

A nd beneath that, totally overwhelmed.

So many choices.

Life was much simpler at age 11 when I was certain of my future as a dancer.

My dream.

My identity, not only imposed upon me, but by my teachers, DEMANDED of me.

And then...I had nothing of myself left.

And now they say, "Emotions are like a traffic light."

I am exhausted by, saturated with, DBT.

I doubt any of this made any sense, but neither does my head...

Hi @Autumn75

Sorry that you have been struggling. I have BPD too and most of the time I feel numb and don't know how I feel.

How are you now?

On 7/11/2025 at 12:54 PM, Lavender said:

Hi @Autumn75

Sorry that you have been struggling. I have BPD too and most of the time I feel numb and don't know how I feel.

How are you now?

Thank you for caring @Lavender

I'm sorry you too suffer from BPD,and I can certainly relate to often being numb, unable to define or name the feelings beneath it...

Now?

Feeling like I am about to implode.

Much of this has to do with how I am feeling about myself...my identity, my values...

And that I haven't had therapy in weeks...

I need thst outlet.

Welcome back by the way.🩷

9 hours ago, Autumn75 said:

Thank you for caring @Lavender

I'm sorry you too suffer from BPD,and I can certainly relate to often being numb, unable to define or name the feelings beneath it...

Now?

Feeling like I am about to implode.

Much of this has to do with how I am feeling about myself...my identity, my values...

And that I haven't had therapy in weeks...

I need thst outlet.

Welcome back by the way.🩷

Thank you. It's good to be back.